Sunday, December 28, 2014

Forgiveness

So, right now, considering we've invited 60+ people to our warehouse at 3:00 for a meeting today, I should be cleaning.  Instead, I have got to get this story out today so I can "carry on and be awesome" (stole that line from a cheap poster I saw at Walmart last night.)

Yesterday evening, after 1 (maybe 2) swigs of Tennessee Jack Daniels whiskey (with honey,) I realized how much anger and resentment I have been carrying in my heart towards a certain someone.[If you want the juicy details, you are reading the wrong blog post.]

On a side note, if by now you haven't noticed, I will write about Jesus and Tennessee whiskey from time to time. You can totally judge me if you want, considering I typically ask you to reserve such judgement. Sipping a nip of whiskey runs deep in my family, especially when you've been battling a cough like I have.  I highly recommend it when you are sick.



Anyways, back to the deep, rooted anger part....

I have been down right PO'd at a certain someone who hurt me deeply.  I've not been exactly quiet about my disdain but have worked really, really hard to not sow discord.

As Paul and I are preparing for this next new chapter of Vinterest Antiques, and I hear all the sweet comments and encouraging words from friends and new friends we've made in the process, I get a ton of motivation. It also, however, puts a lot of pressure on an ole' guy and gal like the Mr. and I to succeed.  So, we both take this opportunity we've been given very seriously.  After all, we are "going for broke," so I treat it like a God-given responsibility that Paul and I have been given to help change lives (including our own.)

So last night, as I was laying in bed  and was reading some previous blogs and comments, there it was.... a correspondence between this person and I almost exactly 2 years ago.  In this exchange, we were lifting each other up in Christ.

Honestly, I thought I had deleted any history of this person in my life (including comments.)

My heart then whispered, "you will never achieve all that I have planned for you until you release the resentment that's living in your heart because you're making it hard for me to live there too."

I knew right then what I needed to do.

So I wrote her, copying the correspondence, and told her I was hurt and angry but meant what I said when I prayed for her God-given dreams to come true then (in 2013) and I just wanted her to know that I meant it still today.

She sent back a response, and I sent back a short response, and years of hurt and resentment ended just like that with just a simple emoticon smiley face.

Matthew 11: 25- And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. 

We will never be friends again, but through that simple exchange, the chains that I didn't know even existed busted loose around my heart.

With all that said, I found the following quote from Marianne Williamson that I believe ties the bow on my story on forgiveness.  If like me, you are struggling with forgiveness as well, leave a comment!  I will pray for you to get your moment soon when you realize it's time.  You don't have to go into specifics, but I think acknowledging it's there is step 1 to peace.



Now, we can all "carry on and be awesome!"

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Applause

I've always admired the folks in this world who do not live for an applause.  The ones who quietly disappear, virtually unnoticed, and are later found doing thankless acts of kindness.  I know that you know these types of "ladies and men"  that I'm talking about, and perhaps you are one.  These are the folks who clean the dishes after a party, keep your breakroom's trash can emptied, and is the little fairy that keeps a can of "Glade" in your company's restroom.   Most of these folks aren't found on social media, and if they are, their profile picture is probably a baby animal, a child or blank.  Quite simply, these folks make the world a better, kinder place. They are angels on earth who don't like their photo taken or name etched in a plaque.

I, self-admittedly, am not one of these folks.

I'm going to blame it on my parents for having me 10 years after my middle sister, 15 years after my oldest, thus making me the baby of the family.  

I didn't grow up rich, but I was definitely spoiled rotten with attention.  As a baby, my chubby thighs stayed bruised because people just couldn't resist squeezing them.  My dad left for work every morning at 5AM for 30+ years, yet never missed a single ballgame and rarely a practice.  Mom once got us kicked out of basketball game because she didn't like how the coach was yelling at me, and I lasted with my original Kindergarden teacher only one day when she opted to call me "Kathy," instead of Katherine on the first day of school. My sweet mama could go from a smiling Southern Belle to a scary Mama Bear in a split second- bless her heart.

With that being said, I have had to work on not being an overly-sensitive, "let's-take-a-selfie," self-indulgent, borderline narcissist, "why not me," and "I'm going to tell my mama," attention-seeking brat.  (It's a work in progress.)  I will toot my own horn and shamelessly do a dance in the end zone, while saying "in your face!" after winning a game of Monopoly.  And I sometimes wonder why people don't like me?!?

Ok. That's not entirely true, as I cannot recall ever winning a game of Monopoly.  I am, however, very competitive and like to be rewarded for my hard work and having an audience watch doesn't make me at all nervous.

In fact, I recall more embarrassing moments occurring in my life on a stage, basketball court or softball field with lots of people watching than those of bright, shining moments.  For example, I once went in for a layup to only run straight into the rolling basketball rack with 10+ basketballs on it, making way for them to be completely scattered throughout the gym and for me to be face-planted on the gym floor with a gym full of people.  This was the longest 10 mins of my life. I survived.

So back to this "need for attention" thing....it's not about a need for others or the world to watch me "succeed."  It's truly not about being #1, "the best," or an insatiable desire for attention.

Not to get sappy, but what it actually boils down to is the dopamine rush I get when I look up and see that what I've done has made my biggest fans proud- my parents.  That's what provides me the biggest sense of accomplishment and feeling of success. This need for approval has pushed me many times forward.

As we are creeping up on a little over a week away from the grand opening of Vinterest Antiques, I realize my biggest fans may not show up in the audience for the first time ever.   It's not because they don't want to. It's just because they can't- physically. I have to be prepared for that.

And, at 35 years old, my friends, I realize that I am going to have to learn to give to myself the applause that I have relied on from family my entire life.

There are still people who won't like "Katherine" and there's still going to be jerks who think they can talk to me however they want.  There are still bullies on the playground and life is much more populated with competitors than fans. I must come to grips with that there will never be any other person on this earth who will root for me, right or wrong, like my parents did.

I may still fall straight on my face, and people may point and laugh at me, and I am going to have to find the courage and strength to stand up on my own two feet and try again.   No one in this life is going to come running anymore to protect me.

Alas!  I must not forget that I have a wonderful partner in Paul.  

I must also not forget that this fear and anxiety does not come from above.  The noise and negativity and fleeting thoughts of doubt are not part of the journey the Lord has called us to make.  We always have a choice: fear or faith.

As our lives continue to change and people who we love grow old and leave us, the show must go on!  We must continue to rejoice and do good in the world and continue to have hope for the future in a cruel world that won't always love back.  We must be willing to take risks and look like a fool from time to time.

After all, the love, encouragement and applause that we have been given doesn't go away just because we can no longer see it.  Instead, it must get stored as fuel to take us through the rest of our journey.

As for today, I stop and reflect on the "folks" who have done countless "thankless" deeds throughout their life without the need for applause.  Thank you what you do. I hope to become more like you.  

I also praise Jesus for the gifts of love that he has given me through my family.   These gifts continue to give.

Lastly,  I chose to  keep marching forward into the unknown with my Partner choosing "faith" again tonight,  rejecting once more any thoughts of doubt or insecurity.  Only through faith, we will have strength to continue to conquer fear.

















Sunday, December 14, 2014

The Vintage Quilt Crisis

One of the most pleasant surprises since entering into "self-employment" for me has been learning to concentrate while in the moment and "being present."  I lived so long reacting to the "ding" of my phone when emails came through that I even got to the point of being timid to lay my phone down in case I missed an important call- ever.  I couldn't even take a bath without my phone being within an arm's length distance.  That, my friends, is a problem and is in need of a serious intervention.

The Mr. could be talking to me, and I'd be physically present, but my mind would be somewhere else- checking or responding to my emails or "solving" problems or "thinking" how I was going to handle x, y, z.  

Don't get me wrong: the feeling of being "busy" and "important" can be quite intoxicating and addictive. It can also be quite distracting.  It's also all smoke and mirrors.  Everyone is replaceable and no one is that important.

Anyways, lately I have found myself a lot more aware and in tune with my surroundings.

So, just a few days ago, I was driving to a sweet lady's house to pick up 2 upholstered chairs that had been posted on a Facebook yard sale site.  On my way, I pulled up to a red light, and I just couldn't help but notice that there stood a homeless man with his little sign asking for food.   

For those of you who have been following us for sometime, you might already know that the Mr. and I have a weak spot for the homeless community.  At the same time, we don't like to give the homeless money for obvious reasons.  It's not uncommon for us to take them to a restaurant and buy them food or offer them something material.  I've actually called Paul before to find that he's picked up some homeless person and he's driving him around (particularly a homeless man in Huntsville called "Freight train,")  and has him in the front seat of truck with him.  I do not advise that to anyone.  Basically, we're straight up suckers. Every. Time.  

I try to keep something in my truck for moment's like this.  So I start to look around in the cab of my truck for a granola bar, piece of fruit, SOMETHING to give him.  I've got nothing.

So, I sit there in my truck, trying to ignore him, and then it dawns on me what's laying in my back seat.  I look to see if it's still there, and sure enough it's a queen size, red vintage quilt, which I had just bought on my last pickin' trip through Texas.  Why I hadn't taken it out of the truck yet, I just don't know. 

Then this thought runs through my mind: "don't ask God to provide something to someone that you could provide yourself." 

All the sudden, the red light turned green, and I find myself in a full-blown moral crisis.

By now, there's a line of cars behind me, and I find myself thinking, "NOT my red quilt!!  I love my quilt!!" 

You see, this quilt is a well broken in, soft to the skin, bright, vibrant color- type quilt.  The kind that you wash with Downy and wrap up in when you're feeling down or tired and it makes you think of your mama- type quilt.  It's the kind that you cover your sofa with and don't mind if your dogs "just this time" jump up on the couch and snuggle with you on a Sunday afternoon- type of quilt.  It is also the type of quilt that looks just so darn cute and cozy draped across a chair or folded neatly across the back of a couch or end of a bed.

As a horn blew behind me, I quickly rolled down my window and offered the man my most perfect, red vintage quilt, and felt my stomach ache with disappointment.  I had a choice and I knew, if I didn't offer the dang quilt to this poor man that he was going to haunt me the rest of the day and I would have a terrible night's sleep.  It was going below 40 degrees that night. 

So as I hang my precious, sweet quilt out the window, knowing he would probably never appreciate it the way I would.

Suddenly, he looks at me and quickly waves me off!  He refuses my gift!  

Just as quick, I snatched my quilt back up, rolled my windows up and accelerated away.  

I sang some praise to Jesus for letting me keep my vintage quilt, and I slept like a baby that night so thankful that I listened and obeyed that little voice- learning several valuable lessons.  For one, I will now make sure that I am a little more prepared. 

So anyways, I found the below on Pinterest,  and they are called "Blessings bags."  I want to challenge each of you to think about making one or two of these for the holidays.  You never know when you may be a blessing to someone who truly needs it.  

I hope to whip some of these up very soon!  

  

Until next time! :)


Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Going for Broke

Not long after the day my husband gave me the nod that I could leave corporate world behind, I cleaned out my closet.  (So, if anyone needs a red collared button up shirt, my ex-organization colors, I've got you covered!)  Most given days, you'll now find me in funky palazzo pants, paint-covered cloths, or in a Walmart buttoned up $7 men's flannel shirt with hole-y blue jeans and my Gypsy Justin cowboy boots.  My hair is typically a hot mess and held back in a pony tail or bandana.  I also may or may not be packing a S&W 38 special revolver with a crimson trace at any given time.  After all, some of the best pickin' spots I've ever been to would make a grown man a little nervous.  Don't judge.  Anyways, I like to keep it simple, and given the opportunity, I'd chose to drive Junk Gyspy's "Large Marge" over a Beemer any day- no lie.  You can probably see now how well I fit in with some of the corporate "city folks." ha!

Anyways, I had friends and foes call me a complete idiot for walking away from such a good job- especially a job I had worked so hard at and sacrificed so much for and especially exchanging it for a "dream" and a "vision" no one else could see. The #1 question I get, "how could you walk away from that???" And, I totally understand.

I share my story all the time, but putting it out there in writing feels different.  I also get folks who tell me frequently how they relate to my stories, so this one is for YOU... the person who is miserable and thinks there's no options.  That's a false dilemma.  There's ALWAYS options.



So there's "more" to the story:

Lesson # 1: My daddy worked his tail off for an organization over 30 years who in the end made it clear that they didn't love him. As he grinded through work a few years after leaving that company, and began counting down the days to retirement, mom starts showing strange signs of forgetfulness. Fast forward 1-2 years, we find ourselves in stage 4 Alzheimer's.  Enjoying retirement with your spouse and doing all that "travel" you will get to do is not guaranteed.

Lesson # 2:  At approximately 59 1/2 years old, a little back pain resulted in Paul's mother getting the nightmare diagnosis: Pancreatic Cancer.  Paul and I, along with her husband, her sister and her friend, said good-bye to her 9 months later as she took her last breathe.  She had just retired.

Add lesson 1 and 2 together and then "going for broke" just doesn't seem like such a big deal anymore.

Before pulling the trigger and committing to signing a commercial building's lease, I called my sister in Hendersonville, Tenn. and told her that I had a very serious question for her.  Paul and I had just scored a 1972 Shasta camper for a mere $800 off of Craigslist from a guy who truly didn't know what he had.  We paid cash.

So I asked her, "if I go for opening a business and it results in me going bankrupt, and we loose it all, can you promise me one thing?" With hesitancy in her voice, she said "sure."  I continued, "Can I run an extension cord out your back door to our Shasta?"  She laughed and responded with, "Sure.  And I may even let you take a hot shower once a week as well."  That's all I needed to hear.  At least Paul and I would not be homeless.

You know you are ready for a change when the thought of going from a 6 figure income to living in a 1972 Shasta camper in the woods with 3 dogs and a husband is more appealing than spending "one more day" or even "one more hour" with people who take from you your energy and talents more than contribute.

Lesson # 3:  Let's say just for sake of argument that Vinterest Antiques fails.  Paul and I fall flat on our faces.  No one shows up for grand opening.  Ferguson takes place in Hixson and someone burns our little business to the ground.   We lose our life savings, one vehicle, two vehicles, then our house, and have not a penny to our names.  We file bankruptcy. Trust me, I've played all the "what ifs" out in my head.

Now here's the FREEDOM part....  "they" cannot eat us, kill us, take away our experiences, my college education, our resumes, or our love for each other.  We can rebuild.  It's America after all. Now, YOU (whoever this was meant for) substitute your name for all the "ours" and "my's" and "we's" in that last sentence and read it again.

After-all, we are all 1 cancerous cell, bad decision, freak accident or genetic disease away from this precious piece of time we call "life" from being over.  The time to start creating the life you can only dream of  is NOW.

Lesson #4:  I just recently spoke to another business owner who opened a business, but signed a short-term lease because he was "scared," not knowing if it would take off.   For those who may not know, "most" commercial landlords won't even talk to you if you don't sign at least 3 years.  Unless you are ridiculously lucky, in a prime commercial location and depending on sq footage, rent can range on the low end of $2,000 per month upward to $20,000+ per month, not counting the thousands of dollars in utilities and insurance. If you go under, you have to pay until the contract ends, the landlord shows mercy or the building is re-rented.  So in this business owner's case, his business took off and landlord took notice.  When it came to renewal time, the landlord got greedy and doubled the rent. Business owner was buried and unable to rebuild in a new location.  The lesson?  Plan to succeed and base decisions on success vs. failure.




For us, we've chosen to "go for broke."  We place our trust in that the Lord will provide and put the right people in our path at the right time in our lives.  I had to make peace with all the "what ifs" before pulling the trigger.  I also had to ensure I had support from those who mattered, even it meant just a little reassurance I could borrow some electricity- given worst case scenario.

Grand opening is less than a month away.  Every day we hear comments- mostly good- about our launching a new business in Hixson.   We have an amazing group of supporters and very few doubters, and maybe even 1-2 haters, out there.  All I know is, this is turning into one helluva fun ride!  We are giving every part of ourselves to this journey. No regrets.

Stay tuned for the "rest of the story...."







Monday, December 8, 2014

Vinterest Antiques Logo

Lawd have mer-ceeee, a lot has occurred since my last "blog."  I'm going to try and provide the "Reader's Digest" version.

In a year's time, we sold University Pickers, and I got promoted to a Regional Manager for a big-box retail store, moved my family to Atlanta, got a "title change" and went from overseeing an Atlanta territory of 20+ stores to 6 states and 53 stores in a matter of months.  To the world, I was living the dream!  My job supplied a 6 figure income, company car, iphone 5, laptop, gas card, paid travel expenses, home office, scheduling flexibility.... you name it! And then one day, I came home in tears to my husband saying,  "This" is not what I'm supposed to be doing.

There's not a logical way to explain walking away from "that" to anyone.

After a weekend filled with lots of tears, fears, thinking I've gone mad, and tons of nerves, the Mr. and I decided to place a bet on ourselves, go all in, and launch "Vinterest Antiques," and strategically place it in a Chattanooga, Tenn., neighborhood town called Hixson, Tenn.

I'll tell you how I mustered up THAT courage and justified the decision in my mind in an upcoming blog.

Anyways, Oct. 31st was my last day as a "professional" in the corporate world.  To celebrate, I dyed my hair purple, but not before first calling my father and letting him know that the purple hair was "happening" and to remind him that I was not on drugs and yes, I still love Jesus.

I had spent more than 1/2 my life dedicated to an organization that truthfully didn't care if I stayed or went.  I grieved a lot through the transition.  After all, every stitch of clothes that I owned and every material belonging that meant anything to me can all be traced back to what that organization provided.  The relationships and friendships that I built through that experience are now lifetime.

Now, we find ourselves in the middle of constructing our dream with little to no safety nets.  Thus, the creation of our logo.  I kept saying to the Mr., we will just have to build our own wings on the way down, as we jumped absolutely terrified into self-employment.

We have now taken over a 16,000 warehouse that sits on an 1 acre lot.  With a tight deadline of opening in January, the Mr. and I are both working around the clock.   So far, our "wings" seem to be working!  Thank you to all of you for your support and words of encouragement.  There's no way we could do this without the love from our family and friends near and far.

Stay tuned for GRAND OPENING information!!  Attentively mark your calendars for Jan. 3rd. Eek!!!







Sunday, February 16, 2014

My story

It's been over 5 years since the "accident" that took my sister, who was only 43 years old and who left behind 4 children.  One day, I may muster up the courage to write out the details of that day and explain further the quotation marks around the word "accident," but for today, lets leave it as a tragic event that has  re-defined my life.  I often view my life as pre- and post- "accident."

Leading up to that day, I had a rather severe case of anxiety.  Anxiety that would nearly demobilize me and cause me to lose sleep.  Post- accident, my anxiety nearly went away.  Things like bills and a highly demanding boss just didn't get my goat like it did before.  After all, I experienced for the first time as an adult true grief.  Everything else- outside of relationships and the enjoyment of self and of life- seems a bit petty and unimportant.  

Two years later, I remember having raised eyebrows when I excitedly phoned home to share the news that Paul had asked me to marry him, and my mother's reply was, "Whose Paul?"  I laughed it off as did she, thinking she was kidding, and I nervously laughed it off to Paul.  It took me 2 years to accept and realize that she wasn't trying to be funny, but in fact, this was the beginning of a long journey with my mother and her battle with Alzheimer.

A year later after getting engaged, I experienced grief all over again as I watch my mother-in-law fight for her life from diagnosis of Pancreatic cancer to 9 months later, her last breath. The feelings for my husband deepened as I watched him literally carry his mother, made up of nothing but hanging skin and bones, from her bed to the restroom.  I have a soulful cry accompanied by a giggle when I think about Paul racing down a two-lane road with a McDonald's ice cream in tow, just trying to get it home to his Mama in one piece, who lived 20 minutes away from the nearest McDonald's.  In that moment, no one was going to stop him from getting that special request of an ice cream cone to his dying mother.

Shortly after, we launched University Pickers, an antique mall in Huntsville, Ala., and the healing process began for both of us.
 
Things were going amazingly well until my family and I took a family vacation to the beach with my mother.  On what we felt was our "last" family vacation, as my mother's memory continues to deteriorate, several vendors from University Pickers, the antique mall that Paul and I owned, got together and launched a very personal attack on  Paul and I while we were out of town and most vulnerable.  We (my entire family) watched remotely from surveillance, 7 hours away, as these "friends" of ours went into our business and ripped down their walls creating construction zones while we were open for business, sent out nasty emails to our vendors, and had little whispering talks around the corners, accusing us of "unethical business practices." Then, they went and launched their own store.   

I had an email forwarded to me, as I did not want to believe it as it was written from the one person who I trusted the most- who at one point had a key to our business.   To this day, I still cannot believe it happened like it did as I adored these people, loved their children, prayed with these people, went "pickin" with these people, and "broke bread" with these people. NEVER once did the wife, who I naively thought was my friend, have the courage to confront me, as I still to this day have NO idea what caused the fall out.  It's such a shame as there was 1,000 better ways to handle it, and I would have been one of their biggest fans had they just been direct.  I know in my heart I didn't deserve the way I was treated, and I believe deep down, SHE does too.  As for the rest of the "Huntsville Mafia," (their words, not mine,) I wish them much success in their endeavors, and I am glad to see them doing something with their lives. Their actions deeply hurt me.  

Business, however, was not hurt. In fact, after this group left, our sales sky-rocketed and we had back-to-back, record sales months.  Shortly after, I was offered a promotion, and we were able to sell University Pickers to the most deserving of sisters.  The Lord works in very mysterious ways (and he does not bless discord.)

It's been about 5 months since we sold University Pickers and moved to Georgia. Since moving,  Paul and I have had a blast traveling, we took our first cruise, have enjoyed decorating our new place, picking in new places, and visiting family and friends after 1 very jam-packed year. My new job is a dream come true, and I am so thankful. We get emails all the time, when are you opening another store???  I'll be honest and say that I think about it every day.  I just love it so much.  I love the people, and I love being a part of such a talented and gifted community.  It's not about the money for me.  It's truly about the people.  

As for now, I'm having such a fun time featuring other talented people and places on my Pickin on the Road page. It's my therapy (and now you know why.) I am truly in a healthy, happy place right now.  So, my answer for "when are you opening a new store" is this:  maybe some day.  :)  For now, there's this little "bug" that all of a sudden has been pestering me a bit that might have Paul and I re-thinking some things.  

I'll leave you with that for now....